Age Gaps? How Much Is Too Much?

I disappeared down the rabbit hole of Youtube tonight and stumbled upon a video about a Lesbian couple with a larger than normal age gap. Whatever normal actually is. The younger woman is 24 years old and her Girlfriend is 62 years old.  I settled down with a mug of tea and hit the play button, genuinely interested in what way this mini documentary would be portrayed.

The younger woman, Julia is vibrant, energetic and very charismatic. She already had a large following on Youtube and I was surprised how far reaching her audience was. She has pastel coloured hair, loves makeup, loves Japanese fashion, studies Music, sings at Gigs and truly is a live wire.

Eileen, the older woman, is intelligent, articulate, energetic and possesses an infectious sense of humour. She is involved in her spare time on commenting on American politics and is an employed Technical Manual creator. Eileen has recently created her own Youtube channel and has such a confident and engaging manner, you are immediately drawn to her and know you would most certainly be more than happy to spend a hour in her company discussing anything and everything.

I continued to watch, enthralled as their story unfolded. They both seemed to share so much in common, while at the same time being polar opposites. It struck me how ‘normal’ or commonplace their story was. They had met online, communicated for a while then agreed to meet in a public restaurant and the rest as they say is history. They are so open and brutally honest, which is surprising and sooo refreshing. They are so aware of the additional hurdles they face not only as a gay couple but as a gay couple with a significant age gap. They meet these challenges head on and make no apologies for getting upset, when they discuss how they know and fully accept Julia will out live Eileen. You cannot fail to empathise with them and their age gap doesn’t seem such a horrific crime or thing of shame, but instead seems almost cruel that their timelines on this revolving earth were just out of sync.

Of course I immediately subscribed to both their channels and sought them out on Instagram. They were truly living in the present, enjoying every second of every day and not worrying about next week, next month, next year, which is a rarity. My feelgood vibe was mercilessly smashed to pieces when I started to read the comments. We are all to familiar with Keyboard Warriors and Trolls who hide behind their screens and spread malice, but truly the buzz words and comments I started to read were truly deplorable and without provocation. Paedophile, child molester, Mommy issues, Cradle robber, Granny lover, the vile just increased in intensity as I read further. These human beings who had been open enough to help educate folks online that age is just a number and not a restriction for consenting adults were being pulverised by strangers who watched their video and decided to share their disgust at their newly found love.

The sustained attack was brutal, the allegations, the questions about their sex life, their personal finances, their families, the list goes on and on. I cannot imagine being on the receiving end of that, especially from strangers sitting in judgement.

When you break it down, factually I couldn’t see why they had came under such a harsh, sustained attack.
2 Women, both over the legal age of consent.
2 Women, both working, paying taxes and sustaining their own lives.
2 Women in a committed, Monogamous relationship that weren’t seeking to recruit or create a cult.
2 Women, who found love, weren’t breaking or bending any laws and living a normal life.

Now to the elephant in the room. The age gap. I myself have sustained relationships with women 10- 12 years older than I and never once did I feel that I was being taken advantage off or somehow abused. It was refreshing to be with someone who had their own story and history, someone who had been through their coming out process, found their feet and made a few mistakes on the way with false starts in relationships. Truly being with someone who no longer needed to find their place or how they fitted in this world just allowed for us to grow closer, quicker.

Would I have been open to this much of an age gap? I had never even thought about why I would need that inner dialogue in my head. My attraction has always been to the person, their character, their morals, their beliefs and values. Age, Religion, which Sports team they followed or their political views etc I looked forward to discovering as our time together continued.

Julia and Eileen were being slaughtered on the altar of moral outrage! Really?? So many judgements from so many strangers and the ridiculous assumptions could only have been to wound and cut. These 2 women hid nothing they were naturally affectionate with each other, which I recall watching, thinking how impressed I was at this because in my own life I always felt compelled to limit any public displays of affection, mostly in front of my family but truly I think this says more about them and my indoctrination of what was acceptable in my families eyes. This is a whole other topic for another blog, lol

So, in conclusion I truly believe that these two Human Beings should be afforded the same rights and respect as any other Human being of consenting age. He who is without sin caste the first stone.
Life is too short and time too precious to waste it trying to explain love and devotion to anyone who obviously is lacking the same. My hope for the trolls and keyboard warriors would be they learn compassion, acceptance and tolerance. For Eileen and Julia, my hope would be they bask in their love and find a way to ignore the Trolls and haters.

Harry Potter Is A Gay Code?

In the last few weeks, the UK Headlines have been rife with appalling murder of the 29 year old Journalist, Lyra McKee. She was standing by a Police Land Rover when a riot broke out, and a lone I.R.A. Gunman started firing indiscriminately into the crowd. She was shot in the had and although the Police rushed her immediately to the local E.R she was dead on arrival. A needless waste of a life.

The U.K Headlines have been covered the public outcry to the senseless death of this young woman and the effect on her Family, partner and Community. Here I’ll skip over any politics but suffice to say anyone with a drop of common decency has been shocked by the waste of such a rising star within her field.

Her Family and Partner asked that at her funeral bright colours be worn, Marvel t-shirts or anything Harry Potter related as this encompassed some of her passions.   The sea of brightly coloured scarves, Wizard robes, T-shirts etc was  a testament to the outpouring of love felt over this tragic event.

Fast forward a couple weeks and I joined a few friends for lunch. We’ll refer to them as ladies of a certain age (Grins) I believe the youngest is 70 and the oldest is in her 80’s. Today the conversation was the normal, How was your week?, Any News ? , and then a quiet voice piped up….

“Can I ask you a question?”, hush descends and I nod in agreement. Then came a question I never imagined I would ever be asked.
“Is Harry Potter A Gay thing?”

Here I pause to allow you to reread the last few sentences.
I sat for what seemed like an eternity staring at my friend trying to decide if she was being funny or was indeed asking a genuine question. Imagine my surprise when I realised it was a sincere, heartfelt quest for knowledge. Due to so many folks attending her funeral in their various Hogwarts attire, they had mistakenly assumed this must be some kind of underground club or code for the ‘Gays’

I, myself am a Harry Potter Fanatic, who also happens to be Gay.  I was unsure if I was pleased she felt comfortable enough to ask me or if I was outraged that she would make such a ridiculous leap to assume it was the new Gay code. I explained as plainly as I could that it happened to be a coincidence that the murdered Journalist happened to love Harry Potter and that she was Gay.

Why did it matter?

Would she have asked me a similar question if the Family had simply asked for bright colours in celebration of Lyras life?
Or if her partner happened to be male and not female?

I started to wonder just what these Ladies of a certain age actually knew or understood about the Gay community in 2019. They were raised in a time where it was simply unheard of or unacceptable to be openly Gay. Indeed Women where kept barefoot and pregnant at home to care for their ‘Man’

Thus started a two hour discussion that covered why there was a Rainbow flag, what the colours meant. What an inverted pink triangle was a symbol of and for. What Friends Of Dorothy meant, Oh and my personal Favourite, Which one in a Lesbian relationship was the man? The last question they followed with, ‘How do you know who pays for Dinner?
I initially felt as if I was in the Dock in Court, and my charge was to prove that I was indeed Gay. Truth be told, they finally had someone to ask the questions that they had never dare to think about let alone ask. Most of their preconceived notions and ideas where explained away or quashed in they’re entirety. I answered simple questions from enquiring minds

In the midst of this weekly camaraderie I realised that truly, preconceived ideas and lack of knowledge was the cause of so much confusion, suspicion and mistrust.

Could or can it be this simple?

Rest In Peace Lyra, Gone too soon.