Tag Archives: child

The Gays Are Everywhere!!!!!!

Soooooooooo today  one of the biggest news stories revolved around Pride, or as they call it GAY PRIDE. The reporter was asking why LGBTQI community need a special day? Indeed, why would they need to force their perversion down everyones throat by parading through the city in assless chaps or watching men teeter, todder  in womens high heels with copious amounts of makeup which only adds to the clown like appearance.
radioThe radio reporter went on with a little more of his tirade. I was driving along, minding my own business, enjoying the delight of my Starbucks coffee, made just how I like it. My afternoon was ticking along nicely until I hit the wrong radio button and landed on this twits rant, ugh.

Funny thing is though, my initial thought was, ‘Wow, this poor guy is so wound up and irate he was gonna pop a vein!! I shook my head and smiled deciding it was just the same of rhetoric that annually is dragged (Pun intended) into the headlines at this time of year. I’m sure the callers would rant and rave how the gay community wanted to rape and pillage their children. How disgusting the display of same sex couples holding hands and kissing was……….. It was like car crash TV, I should have just flipped the station but I couldn’t help myself. In all truth it just made me feel a little sad that in 2018 we have the same dumbass ignorant comments that only revolve around what we may or may not do in the privacy of our own bedrooms.

Then it happened, after a particularly vicious rant from a local Politician, the next caller Greg was put on the line. This man, was very soft spoken, and spoke with a tinge of an accent I couldn’t quite place. It went a little something like this.
Hi every, my name is Greg, I am a gay man, husband and Father. I work, pay taxes, complain about the weather, cheer for my child on a Saturday morning while trying to figure out how to get grass stains outta that uniform.
To the Politician who ranted and raved a little while ago, I have a response. Sir, this morning instead of driving my child to school, I got paged and called in for an emergency. I’m a cardiac surgeon, there had been a nasty motorway crash and the injured were en route. I had my hands inside the bodies of six human beings today. Human beings who are recovering and looking forward to a long future with their family and friends. Human beings who could not have cared less if I was gay, pink with polka dots, or in high heels. These human beings saw another human being with the skills to help them, with the answers to their questions and someone who could offer hope in a dark moment in their and their families lives.

It’s my job, I do it and I do it well. Should I be wearing a sign that says, I can help save your life, ….. if you’re ok with me being Gay?
Will your family stop to question my sex life and moral fibre as you lay dying, waiting to see if I meet the appropriate standard?

Sir I wish you a long and healthy life, and hope that we never have to meet in either a professional or personal capacity, but know that if we do I will simply see a human being that I can help or at the very least be pleasant to.’

Tpeacehe radio host thanked Greg for his call and there was radio silence…….dead air. They radio host fumbled back on air to announce a commercial break. Truthfully there was nothing left to say, Greg in his soft spoken, lilting accent had diffused the mounting on air hatred, had made everyone realise that we are all just human beings,

Human beings of all different shapes, sizes, colours who deal with just the same highs and lows, regardless of whom we wake up beside in the morning.

Happy Pride EveryoneVector gay pride LGBT rights card


Leave a comment

Filed under 2018

Cellphone Mania

I’ve started to notice more and more that cell phones are becoming addictive to most under 25’s. They can’t walk around a grocery store without slowly their cart as they check instagram, or Facebook.
I found myself having the funniest conversation with a 5 year old while I was choosing what flavour water I wanted lol

This little lady was just skipping down the aisle, singing to her hearts content. She decided that I obviously needed help with my decision.
‘The lemon flavour is yeuck, go with strawberry’, I turned and said
‘Really?, well thank you. I am so glad you helped me out, I don’t want anything that is yeuck!’

She grinned and started telling me how she knew all the best things to buy, and how her Mom trusted her make good choices. I marvelled at the confidence this little Diva had and the authority with which she spoke. I asked where her Mom was, and she pointed at a lady at the top of the aisle who was engrossed with her phone screen. So Tess, (she introduced herself shaking my hand),  felt I should watch her new tap steps that she had to practic

apple applications apps cell phone

e this week.
I stood there grinning, watching this little ‘Ginger Rodgers’, but I couldn’t help but notice that her Mom never lifted her head from her phone. When my recital was over, I applauded of course, it was the only polite thing I could do.

Tess was smiling, and the light dancing across her eyes was electric. I got to hear about her dance classes, how her teacher was strict but fair. She rambled on telling me about her school, her best friends, which boys are just sooooo annoying, not to mention smelly.
By this stage she’s standing on the wheels of my cart discussing how she might like her hair for a party she had to attend, for one of those annoying boys, but at least there would be cake!
It occurred to me that with the information this precious little lady had shared not only did I have her full name, I knew where she went to school, her teachers name, her dance class night, this list goes on and on.

While her daughter is sharing all these details with me, her Mom has still not lifted her head from her cellphone. I could have been talking to her daughter about anything. So far I had her name, knew her school name, her Dance School and which night she attended. The information this little dynamo was sharing at one seemed a million miles an hour was enough for anyone to find her again. Loose lips sink ships but this great, innocent little Princess through her excitement could have out herself at risk for all sorts of trouble.
I asked her if she thought it was ok to talk to strangers, she cocked her head to one side and said, ‘It’s ok I know your name, you’re my new friend’. Don’t get me wrong as pleased as I was to have achieved such a high status I was also saddened to think that this precious little person could have put herself in harms way, 3 feet away from her Mom, and her Mom was so busy checking her Facebook status she didn’t know, see or hear anything.

As much as I still grieve for the children I will never have, I DO NOT in anyway envy any parent raising a child in todays society.
How can you teach stranger danger while not making them afraid of everyone they meet?
How can you encourage them to ask questions?, encourage them to help others?, all the time while you know that the simple truth is there are bad people in this world.
I wish the Mom interacted as much with Tess and she did with her phone.

My Great Niece is almost 4 months old. For now she enjoys blowing bubbles and if you hold her in front of the mirror so she can see herself you are assured of a beaming grin. How will we explain to her that not everyone is kind, honest or trustworthy?
I see ALOT of Prayer concerning her well being in my future

Leave a comment

Filed under 2018

How Does This Adulting Work?

From my time on this rotating planet I have never had anything close to a good relationship with my Father. As a child he was never interested in us, unless it was to berate, humiliate or treat in a thousand other miserable ways.
To be perfectly truthful I don’t actually have any pleasant memories of him, but I can immediately bring to mind a dozen painful memories. He was always so embarassed
that his oldest child was a poof, a fag, queer, but hey we all have our crosses to bear, right?

Eight years ago, my Mom passed unexpectedly, and his world shattered around him. He hid in his bedroom when he was upset, tearful or just felt any other emotion other than anger. My siblings and I sorted the funeral, meeting people. We sorted her clothes into trash bags to take to the charity shop, he never even looked at any of them. Her jewellery and anything else she valued he told us to divide. He never even looked at anything, not jewellery, not picture not a damn thing.

Bizarrely for the next year I would be there every night to make his dinner when he came home. I always remembered older family members saying how hard it is to come home to an empty house or one without lights on. houseTime marches on and everyone muddles their way through. This was all new territory to us. So now eight years on we all muddle through. We can stand the occasional meals together and I have been assigned a new role of his medical / emotional needs. So if he’s feeling lonely I am meant to use a crystal ball and figure it out and then of course work out how to fix it. When he spends money on gifts that no one really knows what to do with or that aren’t of any use, I have to make it better, or tell them the response he’s looking for, kinda messed up eh?

Recently I got a new puppy. I am single, answer to no one but me so saying yes to a puppy was the new challenge I needed, I had just put to sleep one of my older dogs leaving me with a single dog, who I knew would not settledog being an only dog. It all seemed to happen at the right time for all the right reasons.
My Father is absolutely terrified of dogs, whether they’re 2 lbs or 100 lbs. Remember this little factoid.

Well this new puppy is 10 months old. Chews anything she decides might taste interesting. Loves to run at faster than a speeding bullet all while looking like she came out of the movie Gremlins. Lets just say, the mixture of breeds she is, has left her with a face only a Mother could love. She has established herself at Doggy Daycare and albeit she weighs 5 pound wet, she runs the pack. She is a pain in the butt for my older dog, but she also cuddles up to her. She is hell on 4 paws, she frustrates me, makes me laugh and loves me with her crooked grin. Why am I telling you about this whirling dervish? I tell you because my Father adores the ground her paws walk on. Ironic eh?

He could care less than I own an amazing, cute, talented older gal, who loves cuddles, loves chicken and adores the days the puppy is at Doggy daycare!
I hate he makes a difference. I know they aren’t kids, I understand that all to well but they are as important to me as kids, and I love them BOTH. I chose them for as long as they are on this earth alive they are mine.

Tonight, my Dear old Daddy wanted to watch a parade, but instead of just saying that. He decided that WE should watch the parade together as well as taking the puppy. After all it would be the best opportunity for her to experience it. I’ll pause here to allow the look of disbelief to leave your face.
Suddenly my mind is spinning………… DO I allow him to dictate?
What if the puppy freaks out from the noise or people?
What if my Father loses his temper at the puppy?
Setting aside the feeling of dread in my stomach at the idea of my Father being in my home or ‘safe space’

I knew I had no option but to let him plod along, thinking he was being the bigger man spending time with his gay Daughter, all for the good of this puppy. The entire time I felt as if I was riding a bull through a field of explosives. The puppy survived, the fistful of treats I had helped ease that process. It was all over in less than a hour, but sitting here now I feel as if I have ran a marathon. My dogs are both asleep and chasing rabbits in their field of dreams. I am sitting here 5am wondering what the hell just happened?
Did I take the path of least resistance? Or did I fold like a cheap poker hand?
I’m wondering if I react to this man as the scared child I once was or as the mature adult who knows he’s an old, lonely man who in some way is trying to be a better man?

The wounded part of my soul tells me to reinforce the walls. Not to see the glimmer of good or hope. The adult part of me, the Youth Leader part of me tells me to see what happens. Just see where it goes. Worse case scenario he’ll screw up, best case scenario he’ll surprise me and everyone else.
It’s now 5.16am and I don’t know the answer, perhaps I will never know the right path. I know as hard as it is not to collapse into quivering heap of jelly around him, I know the scars I carry from this man will keep my therapist in a job for life.

Tonight I will cuddle both my babies, and dream of a less complicated tomorrow. With less questions and more clarity. The sun is rising from his stupor and I hope I can find a little peace to find mine

Leave a comment

Filed under March 2013

Mourning For ‘The What Ifs’

For almost 6 months now I have been single and have experienced everything from guilt, emotional pain, remorse, despair but yet I have slowly come to the realization that the overwhelming emotion I have been battling in my dreams, the strange ache in the pit of my stomach is not for the loss of a 26 year relationship, or a woman I once loved, but it is grief.

Grief and mourning for the children I will never get to hold, the little hands that wont reach up around my neck when they’re tired or afraid. Lately my sleep has been interspersed with mini movie reels of what I have always secretly yearned for but chose to not pursue for a myriad of reasons, not least that my ex didn’t want children, and in fact didn’t even like to be around little people.

It was not a decision I came to lightly. When we met I was 16 and never thought that I would be loved by anyone, never thought a same sex relationship would be tolerated in the tiny country village in which I live.
In my mind I always pictured an old fashioned brass weighing scale, where on one side there were kids, marriage, family life etc and on the other a same sex relationship with someone I loved, who loved me. Depending on my mood, the scales balance would shift daily.

It never occurred to me that I could have both, or that 10, 20 years later I could still have had both. The first few years of our relationship were spent hiding, trying to be safe and keep each other safe. Knowing that we had huge targets on our back, but it was the 2 of us against the world. We would be the ones to make it and show them all.

I’ve worked with and volunteered with children for as long as I can remember. A room full of little people at a Birthday party I delighted in. Folks telling me that I should be a Teacher or work with special needs kids as I seemed to have a talent or knack for it, while pleasing to hear, simply hurt. Each time it was mentioned I wanted to explain why these little kids were my pure joy, but I doubt anyone would have taken me seriously. I will never forget reading about Hans Christen Anderson, this amazing storyteller found his audience with children, quite by accident. He discovered they listened to him without judgement or mockery when he told his magical tales, and to them it didn’t matter that he suffering from a debilitating stammer. I can still recall the book in my hands, how the ink smelled, the picture of him sitting at a fountain with a gaggle of eager little people hanging on his every word, my tears fell silently onto the beautiful illustration, because in that instant it was as if they were writing about me.

It wasn’t because I had a talent with children, it was that they had patience for me. One goofy adult who would play their games, listen to their stories, answer their questions and never seen a frown or judgement when I stuttered or stumbled over a word or got too excited and couldn’t string 2 words together.

I used to daydream of a ‘normal’ life, the kind you would see in a 1950’s ad for the perfect home, white picket fence, you get the picture. Alas the reality was just the opposite, we had to live a life that was simply fraught with anxiety, stress and secrecy. Only now it has occurred to me that for almost all of our relationship the only safe place was inside our home, behind locked doors. The result of which was we were either so exhausted from the pretence that when we got home we collapsed and dozed in front of the tv or did ‘our’ own things or we forgot that it was safe to be close with each other, affectionate with each other.

Tonight I watched by new Great Niece coo and blow bubbles as my Sister held her. I adore this child, and love seeing her change daily and watch my Niece become the most amazing Mother, but it also causes me a little hurt, or pang of the ‘what ifs’.

I know that I could foster, volunteer in any number of ways, but for now I think I need to spend a little time working through this new found emotion that has manifested itself in dreams etc.

While I make peace with the choices I made, the decisions I felt were the correct ones at the time, I get to watch this new human being, grow, change and become everything she can be. My new start, new place to live will also be blessed with a ring side seat of being involved in this little ladies life and getting to watch her blossom.
I’ll also be able to tell her stories of her Mom growing up, how alike they are, and how at one of the lowest points in my life she taught me to revel in the little things. To enjoy the smiles, to blow bubbles and to sing silly songs because it makes us both happy.

Leave a comment

Filed under March 2013