Rainbows Are Now Offensive?

Congrats to America, all 50 States now have Equal Marriage. Pauses for reflection……..

marriage-equality-5

The new alert buzzed through to my Iphone and stunned I couldn’t believe what I was reading. My first thought should have been yay! or Way To go! etc etc instead all I could think was please, please LGBT folks stay safe until the gun toting buffoons have sobered up enough or have been corralled by their spouses.

I watched as my news feed on Facebook, exploded with rainbow colours on the profile pics. I sat back grinning like a demented lunatic as I watched family and friends add the rainbow pic to show their support, endorsement of Equality. In less than a month I have witnessed Ireland and now America agree Marriage Equality, I have seen history and I allowed myself to get a little caught up in the feel good factor. Then, as all good stories go BOOM! the other shoe fell….

One of my friends whom I know online and in realtime, decided to tell everyone that there wasn’t raibows on our profile pictures, instead these were broken crosses, and how we were all going to spent a torturous hereafter in Hell because we were gay. I have no issue with someone having a differing view to mine, an opposing opinion, afterall that’s how we grow, learn and evolve. This was different, this friend had spent the past 30 years living as a very out and loud, proud Lesbian. I had been the shoulder to cry on when heartbreak arrived, or rejoiced with her when she celebrated a 1 month anniversary or a 4 year one. Now here she was attacking the majority of her friends in the public forum of Facebook.

I watched alot of folks jump on her status and they were mostly eloquent and succinct, she however was not. I have rarely been hurt, dissappointed, shocked and pissed as fuck simultaneously. I texted her mirroring some of her comments back to her. Asking when she was having her tats removed, or asking why her Mother didn’t sell her off as the Bible said she could have when things were tough. Or should all footballers be made to wear gloves as dead pig skin is unclean and you shouldn’t touch it. The texting went on back and forth, she certainly had passion but the quotes and rheteric she was using was incorrect or a stretch at best.

Not once did I mentioned her past, her addictions, her sexual promiscuity, her failed marriage the list could go on and on. All I wanted from her was mutual respect, she can have her view and I can have mine, but opinions are like assholes, we all have them, but no one wants to see them hanging our as we walk around.

She decided that she would still love me, just not condone my marriage if and when it happens, even though this time last year she had a prominent part in it???
Funny thing is, not once did she ask me what I thought? What my views where? she just decided to sit in judgement of millions of folks around the world. That has to be a lonely place to be, on a judgemental, narrow platform.

I haven’t received a text from her since she realised my g/f had removed her from Facebook, she has zero tolerance for bigotry and hatred.
The law of the land changed, not God’s law, not her law. What is happening is that couples are now being afforded the same rights and privileges as everyone else. Families of gay couples are now safeguarded should something happen to either partner. Oh and the economy is due a huge boost from the pink pound, now being used for Weddings, Parties, dresses, suits etc etc

These are days of happiness, and a time to celebrate. We need to embrace the small victories, because they are few and far between. Having our own folks turn on us, is just horrendous.
Please, please just stop, take a second breath and think about what you say and how you say it. Opinions are great and welcomed, but condemnation and hatred is unacceptable. Even from reformed Lesbians who are offended by a Rainbow.

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HOMOPHOBIA EPIDEMIC

Looking into the mirror, wrestling my hair into place I am suddenly struck that tonight I am going for the first time ever to an event that will only be attended by Gay folks and Gay allies. The invisible armour that I normally mentally prepare to adorn before leaving for an unknown event I don’t need…… This is very strange and more than a little unsettling but maybe exciting?

Arriving at the venue, the hustle and bustle of folks getting drinks, sorting out who has forgotten the tickets and how the hell do you put this phone on silent. Taking our sets I’m the filling between two straight married couples, who are there with me to see my very talented other half sing with her LGBT Choir. I’m nervous knowing how hard she has worked and how important the five of us being there to support is to her. The atmosphere, truly is electric. It is so strange talking opening about my girlfriend, or whose wife this is or that is regardless of straight or gay, no ones conversation is hushed or edited incase it’s overheard or causes offence….. truly surreal and I sit back grinning like a Cheshire cat trying to soak it all, I don’t want to miss a second and wish there was a way to bottle it and keep it.

The concert started, and the five of us whooped, hollered, clapped and sang along not caring who was watching or not joining in. Watching the positive energy electrify the stage and the poor terrified performers was humbling and inspiring. Everyone on stage were there under the LGBT umbrella, and for tonight it was a safe place to simply be FABULOUS! (Insert sassy hair flick, with finger click)

The kids in the audience got to join in with our madness, and when asked by the host who they were here to see or support, they proudly spoke of their Uncles or their Aunts, Mom etc etc Driving home after such a positive, family friendly event I was singing along to ‘I am what I am’ at the top of lungs thinking everything was well with the world until the hourly news came on.

A HIV+ Gay man, who lost his husband to cancer in January (it’s not June) has had his home attacked thirty four times in two years, he’s had eleven death threats and tonight three hours after he had finished decorating the new house he had been relocated to for his safety, he arrived home to find six masked men had broken into the house, destroyed doors, windows, appliances, possessions and as a parting touch they sprayed ‘PEDO‘ on either side of his front door .
BOOM reality bites and I hate it.
I hate that it resonates with me from my own experience.
I hate that I now turn down my ‘Pride’ cd in case it’s over heard or causes offence to the other drivers. I hate that my anger, and outrage that burns so intensely that it starts to leak out of my eyes, falling onto the shirt that the woman who loves me ironed just the way I like it before she left for her show.
I hate that without realising it I have just locked all the doors in the car…………
I hate it that some illiterate, wannabe mafia has destroyed another human beings home, possessions, memories and I HATE that the same FUCKWITS have snatched away the amazing night I just experienced surrounded by folks who wanted to hear 2 Choirs sing, regardless of who they share their bed with.
I don’t want to hate anything or anyone, most of all right now I hate myself for letting this albeit terrible news diminish what I had just experienced. The man in question has been on TV all through the night and into the next day, he’s so brave talking through his tears and his interview ends with, ‘I just want to live however long I have left in peace’.
Tell me how far we have come, please tell me how much better we are since the Stonewall Riots, Prop 8 etc etc etc right now I have strapped on the invisible armour, I’ve mentally reinforced the skills I use to be safe and keep the people I care about safe.
Tonight I have locked the backdoor, as I always do, instead of smiling that my beautiful babe had forgotten to lock it as usual, I have went back and checked the same door 3 times.
I climbed into bed, snaking around the furkids and lay back and the woman I love reaches for me and curls up in my arms, whispering that she loves me. I lock my arms around her as if they are made of impenetrable steel, and vow to defend her til my last breath as she snuggles in tighter.

Human Being

Tomorrow the sun will rise, the day will start and I will realise that I don’t hate the Homophobes, I pity them and pray that the next Generation are not tainted with their bullish ignorance

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Marriage Or Geography??

May 14th 2015……. tick,tick,tick In 8 shorts days Southern Ireland, will get to vote in a Referendum for or against Marriage Equality. (No it won’t include Northern Ireland, Yes they are 2 separate Countries but that’s a whole other Blog)

In this coming week, folks will pound the pavements, knock on doors eloquently explaining that its not a vote on raising children, or on what kind of sex someone has but on Equality, all while having as many doors slammed in their faces as there are welcoming smiles.
Just because someone is Gay does not alas exempt us from paying the sane taxes, insurances, or following the same laws, BUT in Ireland (South) it does stop you having a Civil Wedding/Marriage. Your money is great, thanks for that!, but your choice to stand before your friends and family and declare love to someone you chose to spend the rest of your life with is. Tick, tick,tick….

One of the huge arguments from both Communities has been, ‘Why do we want the same as everyone else?’ I’m glad you asked!!
Right now if I was rushed into Hospital and found myself fighting for my life, my partner can be legally refused entry to my room, or indeed the floor my Hospital bed is on. Sounds harsh, but it is a factual statement. Worse case scenario, I die, that offers a whole other set of obstacles. She can be kept from saying goodbye to me. Our home which we both jointly hold a Mortgage in, she can be forced to sell it, to give my ‘Family’ half its deemed worth. She can also be forced to allow entry to my ‘blood’ relations for them to retrieve and sell my belongings, shared or not, unless she can prove she solely bought it. Car, House, animals, savings, cheque accounts, etc etc stop being ours but become ‘hers and ‘theirs’ Our lives together could be reduced to a spreadsheet.
My family I have spoken to about this and although I love them dearly (might not like them all the time), they have said of course this wouldn’t happen etc etc but I can’t afford for them in a grief stricken period of time to forget this pledge.
Oh and we have inheritance tax, my G/f will have to pay inheritance tax should my ‘Kin’ allow her to keep the things we purchased in during our life together. It goes on and on. Oh and when my time comes and there may be a decision to make as to whether I want to live in a vegative state, they can chose to pull my ‘plug’ without so much as mentioning it to woman I have loved for over half my life. I could go on and on listing more and more of what we aren’t entitled to regardless of what we pay, but I fear the Referendum would be over before I was finished. Tick, tick,tick….

Ireland, home to St.Patrick, lacking snakes but washed in 40 shades of green that Johnny Cash infamously sang of is also famous for being so devoted to Roman Catholicism. Whatever your Faith or Spiritual beliefs you cannot fail to be impressed by the zeal and fervour that Irish people embrace their Church, and all the rules, ideals contained therein.
Your confirmation, as a young child is  one of the most memorable, special days in your life and it is celebrated by everyone that knows you. Getting to make your first confession is while daunting, opens you to a world of absolution that makes you feel as if you have been scrubbed from head to toe of the last impure thought or lie that crossed your mind, allowing you to do it all over again. The majority of children are raised being warned against sex before marriage, they are taught to show the local Priest blanket respect (Whole other blog!) as well as to observe the main Religious holidays. Long gone are the times when they were raised to only marry there own kind and mustn’t ever mix with the other kind (Protestant). In  fact abortion is now deemed ‘acceptable’ if the Mothers life is in danger or the pregnancy is a result of rape Which for a land steeped in tradition and myth is more than a giant leap forward. Tick, tick,tick….

The polls are confident that the Equality vote will pass, and in 8 days marriage licenses will be available for all. The Economy will be boosted by the pink Euro, Wedding Planners will embrace their new clients will open arms (and deep pockets).

09/04/2015. Yes Equality - National Conversation. Pictured badges at the launch of the The Campaign for the Cival Marrige Equality National Conversation - encouraging people in conversation to ask Im voting Yes, ask me why . Photo: Sam Boal/Photocall Ireland

In 8 days if the vote has passed, no one will wake up and suddenly find the institute of marriage crumbling around their ears, in fact, the sun will rise, the birds will sing, traffic will still be crazy in the morning rush and the first cup of coffee will still bring calm to work day.Tick, tick,tick….

So far most folks are upbeat and believe gay couples should be allowed to marry and be as miserable as straight couples, gotta love that humour!! The irony of all this upbeat, and positivity is that should I be Married in Ireland and move to England, Scotland or Wales, my marriage will be recognised, but the kill shot is, I could travel 25 miles to my family’s home in Northern Ireland and my marriage isn’t recognised, in fact it is void and along with it goes all the benefits it affords my G/f should anything happen to me. Oh, but they will happily accept our money, you have to love the irony. I am so excited that we are on the countdown to a hopefully positive outcome whilst at the same time I am incredibly jealous that I will live on an Island where simple geography can dictate whether I can marry. Tick, tick,tick….

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Almost Like a Marriage???

It’s late, I’ve just let the furry ones out for their last bathroom break. As I lock the doors, smiling because as always, the woman I love has forgotten the top lock in the back door. It’s silly how this offers me comfort, makes me smile and glow from the inside.

Today I heard the statement ‘ Wow, 25 years you’ve been together, that’s almost like a marriage!’
My friend who made this statement I cherish her friendship. I know she loves me and my partner, I know her loyalty is and always will be unwavering, I also know that her statement/comment was never meant to hurt or cause offence. I believe the look on my face, however fleeting was enough that If she could have, she would cut out her own tongue. I laughed it off and made some throw away comment about by now my Girlfriend would have gotten parole for Murder…. filing it in my mind to add to the never ending tape that plays over and over whenever I feel vulnerable or unsure about how my friends and family truly feel about my relationship, our lives.

So I’ve locked the house up, and I’m getting into bed. She’s already asleep and I’m trying to slide into bed without disturbing her or the dogs. I truly believe I have the skills of a Circus contortionist, albeit without the applause.

When I am somewhat successful. She stirs a little and manages to curl into my chest and everything in that moment is perfect.
I wonder if people knew that a gay relationship, male or female is just the same as theirs. We pay our mortgage, taxes, mow the lawn and argue over whose turn it is to let the dogs out. It’s funny to me that the naysayers seem focussed on our bedroom.
Right now they would see my beautiful girlfriend asleep on my chest, while my arm is also falling asleep, but alas keeping me awake with the pins and needles I am currently experiencing. They would see that some how five dogs fit around us and for the most part we all get to share the covers.
gogobaa05011 Oh, and they would see that my socks are on the floor, and when she wakes she’ll lift them, throwing them at me, muttering something about my ongoing training, and I will put them in the laundry basket. I wonder if the snoring is what offends them the most.
All these things I find such comfort in, it seems ‘they’ find offensive. Intimacy goes beyond the physical act of sex. Having someone reach for you in their sleep, or to feel their breathing return to normal when you stroke her hair because she’s having a bad dream is beyond sex, beyond thefive second knee tremble.

I am not sorry that my relationship or sexuality offends you. I do however feel sorry for you that my sex life holds such an intense fascination. For now I’ll find comfort knowing in my arms she feels and is safe. I know I will protect her with my last breath, and proudly take her hand when we celebrate 26 years together, then 30, 50….. It would be nice if you afforded us the same courtesy as we do you, to enjoy our lives without ridicule or attack. My arm is now so numb that I can no longer feel my fingers, but I can feel her nestle into me, and that makes everything worthwhile.

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First Impression………Take Two??

I tell my kids, you only get one chance to make a first impression, but is it possible we actually get a ‘do over’?

Normal Saturday night, you run through your mental checklist as you look into the mirror. Hair, tidy and smart.wallet
Chain under T-Shirt, somethings need to be close to your heart.
Clothes, clean, pressed, dressed to impress.
Belt centred, wallet in pocket, phone, car keys….
Boots, laced up not to unravel, jeans breaking nicely over them
Cheesy grin to check teeth for unidentified hiding objects, OK suited and booted lets go.

You’re feeling confident walking in the jeans that fit just right. You can feel the curve of your wallet against your butt. Your stride has swagger, but not too much. You’re meeting with friends, ‘Oh Please Lord, let them not have accidentily on purpose brought a ‘new friend’ for me to meet’. All I want to do is catch up, throw down some beers and maybe play a little pool, while flirting harmlessly with anyone who catches my eye.

Yay!!,  My pals are already there, beers are lined up, this is shaping up to be a memorable night. We chat over a couple long necks and then it happens, I get introduced to a mutual couple known to my friends.
Hey I’m a polite person, I have manners and shake hands, offering to buy a drink. The ‘Butch’ decides to order for both of them, now this is not unusal , granted, but what falls out of her mouth is. If I removed the swear words I think she would be left with maybe 3 words.

Now, up until this point, I have no other thoughts or judgements other than, hey you’re friends with my friends that’s good enough for me. Then the mouthful of cussing spews forth. All I really wanted to know was it a beer and a cocktail? not a Motherf**king beer and a G*dDammit, she’ll drink one of those pussy cocktails, anything thats f**king pink!

So I order a round of drinks for everyone, while mentally running through the past five minutes……. wow, maybe it was a show of strength….. albeit a pathetic, ignorant and impotent display. We all sat round a table with our drinks, debating how we would bring around world peace, you know the normal stuff….. I’m watching the ‘femme’, she looks like a rabbit caught in the headlights, anytime she starts to offer an opinion or thought, her mighty ‘butch’ either shouts over her, or mean butchmocks her with such quips as ‘yes, honey, but we know you dont know f**k about that’

I pause here to point out I refer to them as femme and butch as their names are irrelevant, and this seems the best way to give you a visual image.

So this loud, abnoxious ‘butch’ continues, with crude, degrading language that is doing nothing but embarassing her ‘femme’ and making herself out to be an uneducated buffoon. I shoot a look at my friends, they are as stunned as I. I can see the ‘Oh No’ look on their faces, they know I wont let this go on too much longer. Then, that idiot ‘butch’ made some crass comment towards her girlfriend, while grabbing at her crotch under her skirt…….. I’m done, and very politely address this pathetic excuse for a human being and tell her that the next words out of her mouth had better be, ‘I’m sorry’. Shes stunned, more than a little taken a back, and starts to square of her shoulders as another tirade of tasteless words fall out of her mouth. Again, I told her, she needed to apoligize, she is furious and starts to rise to her feet……. I sigh and stand first, I have easily 6 inches on her. I am the calm one, her femme hasnt moved, but hasnt taken her eyes off the unfolding drama. My friends are trying to appease everyone, bouncers move over towards us, I was expecting to get told to leave, instead this pompous ‘butch’ was told to leave or be carried out. She tells her ‘femme’, ‘lets go’, her femme looks at me and then back at her, mouths ‘Thank you’ and leaves with the now fuming little troll.

First impression, a out, visible butch/femme couple helping make a unique relationship dynamic part of the norm, second and real impression, a foul mouthed, ego driven, disrespectful Troll that rules her relationship with crass innuendo, fear and worse of all disrespect. She epitomises every negative stereotype the media create, she endorses everything a butch/femme relationship isnt. She is missing out on so much, and as for her ‘femme’, I dont know what happened in her life to make her feel that her self worth dictates being treated this way, I truly hope she finds the strength to see through this charade. Second impression, rude, disrespectful, excuse for a human being, who sees the ‘femme’ on her arm as property to be used, abused and degraded…….. true impression

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Does Death Have A Conscience?

I am lucky enough to have 2 amazing nieces, who at the moment are 20 and 13. I love these kids beyond words, and I revel in being the one that gets the call at 3am, when the older one is drunk, cant get a cab, or getting to hear about the latest crush on whichever boy band from the youngest. This amount of trust has been gained over years of making sure they had the money to take the trip to the movies on their first date, when Dad was short, and telling the truth when asked about why we have boobs and why we have to or should wear a bra.
These questions and soooo many more normally are cringe worthy, but I have found honesty and facts on a level each can understand, refreshing and enables a factual conversation and the girls don’t  have to gain incorrect knowledge from their friends whispers. I love that I will the one dressing up as a superhero sidekick to their costume just to attend a comic convention because no one else would go with them (not that I needed much encouragement!)

ImageSo RJ, the 13 year old (name changed for privacy), she and I talk about the most amazing things
e.g How big a catapult would we need to build to propel a soccer ball over the house, or what super powers we would have if we could chose. (A topic for a whole other blog lol)

RJ owns a rabbit, which I feel I must point out is a mutant, I bought this rabbit and was assured it was a ‘Dwarf rabbit’…… eeerrrrr HELL NO! this thing grew, and grew, by passing the size of a small dog. The size might be best illustrated when I tell you this thing can climb the stairs 6 at a time!!! oh and if its helpful can kick a Yorkie 4 feet across a room when the Yorkie is bold enough to bark! (Of course causing raucious laughter)Image
Her rabbit sleeps in her arms, watches TV with her, listens to her secrets and offers no judgement.

Today my bro calls, the rabbit isn’t well can I take her to the vets. My heart sank to my boots. This rabbit, that sleeps, chews hay, poops is oblivious to the status it has.
I arrive to the vets, with the rabbit in her carrier, I already know things are not good, shes not her normal friendly, attention seeking self. Thankfully the vet is a good friend and knows that this bunny couldn’t be more valuable if she were made of gold or platinum.

The look on his face said it all, RJs bunny had a nasty infection that had been doing the rounds and is fatal. The kindest thing is to let her go. I phone my Bro, and share this news, this 6ft, bearded, muscular dude who is her tower of strength couldn’t even speak to me without his voice cracking. He knows that today he has to be the one that will break his childs heart. He would gladly take a bullet instead. So I stay with the bunny and hold her until she takes her last breath, together the vet and I put her back in her carrier and I thank him.

Driving home, I couldn’t take my eyes of the clock, the tick tock was deafening. Just knowing  that in 30 minutes my Bro would collect her from school, and  words that would cause her precious heart to break. I put the bunny in a shoe box, the age of tradition for animal burials. As I am digging the hole under my rose bushes, my Bro and RJ pull up. The look on her face, her puffy red eyes, even now makes me want to cry. They got out of the car, RJ holding so tightly to her Dads hand. I hugged her, and felt her resolve slip away as the tears fell again. We laid her valuable bunny in the ground and my Bro filled in the hole and tidied it up as I held RJ, explaining that her Bunny wasn’t in pain, and she was the best owner in the world and she lived a long and happy life. Hearing my Bro stifle a sniffle was so hard to hear, knowing that no matter how much male resolve he had, being a Dad negated all that.

We’re drinking tea, the universal salve for all ails, when RJ in a small, quiet voice says ‘My bunny was the first thing that was mine, that I got to love’ Then my big, strapping Bro just held her, at that moment I heard a heart break, his because he was helpless to ‘make it all better’ for his daughter and RJ’s because she had to learn a life lesson and feel a loss that there aren’t words to express.

Should we hide death from kids and use the ‘gone to live on a farm’ rhetoric or just be there with endless cuddles and understanding of temper outbursts. Tonight she stayed with me, and in the middle of the night sleepily climbed into bed beside me, I tell her its going to be ok and hold her until she falls asleep.

Her sobs while she sleeps makes me want to have the super power to take away her hurt……… but I’m not a superhero

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How Do You Score In Bed ?

Anyone with furkids, be it dogs or cats understands the bed rule.
BED RULE:- 1st in gets the best spot, move you lose it

Normally I have no issue with this, I like to think my pack of 4 legged furry people see me as ‘Alpha’ (YEAH RIGHT! I laughed as I typed that too!) So I kinda think I do ok………. what I didn’t factor in was the mutiny when ‘Our’ bed had an additional human added. Anyone who tells you that dogs don’t have strategy, planning meetings are so very, VERY wrong.

Cuddle   Simple task, cuddling in bed with my beautiful Femme, while watching a Movie, she left to refill the popcorn bowl and returned to a siege of the pace she had previously occupied. This was not going to pretty nor indeed was there any potential outcome where I wasn’t going to piss of one of the warring factions. 

Quickly shooing my lil guys away, invited her back to lay against me, head on my chest to resume the Movie, sighs or so I thought. The little buggers decided to play to their strengths, Cuteness, and crept, crawled and nuzzled up to my sweet Lady, just as I was about to offer a word of caution, it was too late! She adjusted to offer a scratch to a pair of goofy ears, when suddenly 3 dogs jumped over her and into the inch gap she had inadvertently left between us……. Round 1 to all those with tails.

Again I chased all furry butts to the floor, and with my sternest look, while trying not to grin at their puzzle looks. The whole time I’m thinking ‘Movie date Night’ is not shaping up as I had hoped. So the movie moved on, everyone settled and I decided that nibbling on my Babys neck seemed like such a sweet and indeed great idea, and much to my relief she thought so too.  She let a little mew escape her lips, and my heart stopped. Dead. Normally this would drive me on knowing I had found a ‘sweet spot’, but I knew what was going to happen, and they didn’t let me down. 
It started with a low rumble and grew to a high pitched yodel from my smallest pooch. I had made the mistake of encouraging her to talk, and in her mind this mew, was the only encouragement she needed. Within seconds there was a triumphant, rousing howling chorus that any of the Angels would have been impressed with, my Angel alas was not so impressed and my plans for the rest of the evening where slipping like her satin teddy out of my fingers rapidly.

I jumped up, apologizing and corralling furry butts out of the room. I whispered through clenched teeth, ‘C’mon guys cut me a little slack, you know this is your fault I gotta put up the doggy gate’. those pleading eyes looking at me from behind the gate and I faltered for a millisecond, long enough to steal a glance at my Baby who was helping herself out of her clothes and into one of my discarded shirts. Sorry guys, no contest. I made a mental note to take them on a longer walk when the blood returned to my head again.

Blood loss to your brain they tell me, can be euphoric and indeed a little disorientating….which is why I am choosing to believe that the vision I saw when I had stretched myself over my beautiful femme was in fact a hallucination……… Otherwise the scorecards that my dogs where holding up to rate my performance where surely going to take some explaining……

Image

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