Looking into the mirror, wrestling my hair into place I am suddenly struck that tonight I am going for the first time ever to an event that will only be attended by Gay folks and Gay allies. The invisible armour that I normally mentally prepare to adorn before leaving for an unknown event I don’t need…… This is very strange and more than a little unsettling but maybe exciting?
Arriving at the venue, the hustle and bustle of folks getting drinks, sorting out who has forgotten the tickets and how the hell do you put this phone on silent. Taking our sets I’m the filling between two straight married couples, who are there with me to see my very talented other half sing with her LGBT Choir. I’m nervous knowing how hard she has worked and how important the five of us being there to support is to her. The atmosphere, truly is electric. It is so strange talking opening about my girlfriend, or whose wife this is or that is regardless of straight or gay, no ones conversation is hushed or edited incase it’s overheard or causes offence….. truly surreal and I sit back grinning like a Cheshire cat trying to soak it all, I don’t want to miss a second and wish there was a way to bottle it and keep it.
The concert started, and the five of us whooped, hollered, clapped and sang along not caring who was watching or not joining in. Watching the positive energy electrify the stage and the poor terrified performers was humbling and inspiring. Everyone on stage were there under the LGBT umbrella, and for tonight it was a safe place to simply be FABULOUS! (Insert sassy hair flick, with finger click)
The kids in the audience got to join in with our madness, and when asked by the host who they were here to see or support, they proudly spoke of their Uncles or their Aunts, Mom etc etc Driving home after such a positive, family friendly event I was singing along to ‘I am what I am’ at the top of lungs thinking everything was well with the world until the hourly news came on.
A HIV+ Gay man, who lost his husband to cancer in January (it’s not June) has had his home attacked thirty four times in two years, he’s had eleven death threats and tonight three hours after he had finished decorating the new house he had been relocated to for his safety, he arrived home to find six masked men had broken into the house, destroyed doors, windows, appliances, possessions and as a parting touch they sprayed ‘PEDO‘ on either side of his front door .
BOOM reality bites and I hate it.
I hate that it resonates with me from my own experience.
I hate that I now turn down my ‘Pride’ cd in case it’s over heard or causes offence to the other drivers. I hate that my anger, and outrage that burns so intensely that it starts to leak out of my eyes, falling onto the shirt that the woman who loves me ironed just the way I like it before she left for her show.
I hate that without realising it I have just locked all the doors in the car…………
I hate it that some illiterate, wannabe mafia has destroyed another human beings home, possessions, memories and I HATE that the same FUCKWITS have snatched away the amazing night I just experienced surrounded by folks who wanted to hear 2 Choirs sing, regardless of who they share their bed with.
I don’t want to hate anything or anyone, most of all right now I hate myself for letting this albeit terrible news diminish what I had just experienced. The man in question has been on TV all through the night and into the next day, he’s so brave talking through his tears and his interview ends with, ‘I just want to live however long I have left in peace’.
Tell me how far we have come, please tell me how much better we are since the Stonewall Riots, Prop 8 etc etc etc right now I have strapped on the invisible armour, I’ve mentally reinforced the skills I use to be safe and keep the people I care about safe.
Tonight I have locked the backdoor, as I always do, instead of smiling that my beautiful babe had forgotten to lock it as usual, I have went back and checked the same door 3 times.
I climbed into bed, snaking around the furkids and lay back and the woman I love reaches for me and curls up in my arms, whispering that she loves me. I lock my arms around her as if they are made of impenetrable steel, and vow to defend her til my last breath as she snuggles in tighter.
Tomorrow the sun will rise, the day will start and I will realise that I don’t hate the Homophobes, I pity them and pray that the next Generation are not tainted with their bullish ignorance