It’s late, I’ve just let the furry ones out for their last bathroom break. As I lock the doors, smiling because as always, the woman I love has forgotten the top lock in the back door. It’s silly how this offers me comfort, makes me smile and glow from the inside.
Today I heard the statement ‘ Wow, 25 years you’ve been together, that’s almost like a marriage!’
My friend who made this statement I cherish her friendship. I know she loves me and my partner, I know her loyalty is and always will be unwavering, I also know that her statement/comment was never meant to hurt or cause offence. I believe the look on my face, however fleeting was enough that If she could have, she would cut out her own tongue. I laughed it off and made some throw away comment about by now my Girlfriend would have gotten parole for Murder…. filing it in my mind to add to the never ending tape that plays over and over whenever I feel vulnerable or unsure about how my friends and family truly feel about my relationship, our lives.
So I’ve locked the house up, and I’m getting into bed. She’s already asleep and I’m trying to slide into bed without disturbing her or the dogs. I truly believe I have the skills of a Circus contortionist, albeit without the applause.
When I am somewhat successful. She stirs a little and manages to curl into my chest and everything in that moment is perfect.
I wonder if people knew that a gay relationship, male or female is just the same as theirs. We pay our mortgage, taxes, mow the lawn and argue over whose turn it is to let the dogs out. It’s funny to me that the naysayers seem focussed on our bedroom.
Right now they would see my beautiful girlfriend asleep on my chest, while my arm is also falling asleep, but alas keeping me awake with the pins and needles I am currently experiencing. They would see that some how five dogs fit around us and for the most part we all get to share the covers.
Oh, and they would see that my socks are on the floor, and when she wakes she’ll lift them, throwing them at me, muttering something about my ongoing training, and I will put them in the laundry basket. I wonder if the snoring is what offends them the most.
All these things I find such comfort in, it seems ‘they’ find offensive. Intimacy goes beyond the physical act of sex. Having someone reach for you in their sleep, or to feel their breathing return to normal when you stroke her hair because she’s having a bad dream is beyond sex, beyond thefive second knee tremble.
I am not sorry that my relationship or sexuality offends you. I do however feel sorry for you that my sex life holds such an intense fascination. For now I’ll find comfort knowing in my arms she feels and is safe. I know I will protect her with my last breath, and proudly take her hand when we celebrate 26 years together, then 30, 50….. It would be nice if you afforded us the same courtesy as we do you, to enjoy our lives without ridicule or attack. My arm is now so numb that I can no longer feel my fingers, but I can feel her nestle into me, and that makes everything worthwhile.