How Do You Score In Bed ?

Anyone with furkids, be it dogs or cats understands the bed rule.
BED RULE:- 1st in gets the best spot, move you lose it

Normally I have no issue with this, I like to think my pack of 4 legged furry people see me as ‘Alpha’ (YEAH RIGHT! I laughed as I typed that too!) So I kinda think I do ok………. what I didn’t factor in was the mutiny when ‘Our’ bed had an additional human added. Anyone who tells you that dogs don’t have strategy, planning meetings are so very, VERY wrong.

Cuddle   Simple task, cuddling in bed with my beautiful Femme, while watching a Movie, she left to refill the popcorn bowl and returned to a siege of the pace she had previously occupied. This was not going to pretty nor indeed was there any potential outcome where I wasn’t going to piss of one of the warring factions. 

Quickly shooing my lil guys away, invited her back to lay against me, head on my chest to resume the Movie, sighs or so I thought. The little buggers decided to play to their strengths, Cuteness, and crept, crawled and nuzzled up to my sweet Lady, just as I was about to offer a word of caution, it was too late! She adjusted to offer a scratch to a pair of goofy ears, when suddenly 3 dogs jumped over her and into the inch gap she had inadvertently left between us……. Round 1 to all those with tails.

Again I chased all furry butts to the floor, and with my sternest look, while trying not to grin at their puzzle looks. The whole time I’m thinking ‘Movie date Night’ is not shaping up as I had hoped. So the movie moved on, everyone settled and I decided that nibbling on my Babys neck seemed like such a sweet and indeed great idea, and much to my relief she thought so too.  She let a little mew escape her lips, and my heart stopped. Dead. Normally this would drive me on knowing I had found a ‘sweet spot’, but I knew what was going to happen, and they didn’t let me down. 
It started with a low rumble and grew to a high pitched yodel from my smallest pooch. I had made the mistake of encouraging her to talk, and in her mind this mew, was the only encouragement she needed. Within seconds there was a triumphant, rousing howling chorus that any of the Angels would have been impressed with, my Angel alas was not so impressed and my plans for the rest of the evening where slipping like her satin teddy out of my fingers rapidly.

I jumped up, apologizing and corralling furry butts out of the room. I whispered through clenched teeth, ‘C’mon guys cut me a little slack, you know this is your fault I gotta put up the doggy gate’. those pleading eyes looking at me from behind the gate and I faltered for a millisecond, long enough to steal a glance at my Baby who was helping herself out of her clothes and into one of my discarded shirts. Sorry guys, no contest. I made a mental note to take them on a longer walk when the blood returned to my head again.

Blood loss to your brain they tell me, can be euphoric and indeed a little disorientating….which is why I am choosing to believe that the vision I saw when I had stretched myself over my beautiful femme was in fact a hallucination……… Otherwise the scorecards that my dogs where holding up to rate my performance where surely going to take some explaining……

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Filed under March 2013

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